Fuck Time, I’m Done Chasing

Life flows with an unpredictable rhythm.

It can be calm one moment, then crash in like a wave the next. Just when I think I’ve found my footing, something else strikes where it hurts, demanding my attention, energy, and emotions all at once. The past few days have been no different. From rushing through the paediatric wards to narrowly avoiding an accident, and then hearing about my uncle’s injury and my aunt’s emergency surgery, everything arrived in a relentless tide. There was no time to pause, no space to fully process. Every moment demanded I keep moving, responding, surviving. In these times, life does not wait for you to catch up. It barrels forward, expecting you to follow.

But recently, I stopped trying to keep pace. I stopped chasing life, trying to grab the baton and sprint ahead. Instead, I stood still and watched from a distance (observing what burned to ashes and what seemed meant to grow). Why does any of it matter, anyway? To me? To others? I have strayed so far from a time when none of this mattered, and now I find myself in the middle of a war I hurled myself into. Yet in that stillness, I started seeing clearly. By letting go of the worries, the pain, the endless struggles, I finally saw the forest for the trees. It was oddly liberating. Sometimes I think to myself, “Fuck time.” Why let it dictate my entire being?

I have let time rule over me for too long. Always worrying, always wondering if there is enough of it, whether for what matters to me or for what is forced into my hands. I have lost so many fucks to give, which is why I have started pulling away from the pressure of constantly being needed. I keep asking myself the same questions: What am I really doing? What do I truly want? After years of stumbling through the cracks of my life and mind, I honestly do not know anymore. I lost the answer long ago.

This realisation did not fix anything overnight, but it gave me clarity. It made me see that although I cannot control the flow of time, I can decide how I move with it. I do not have to rebuild everything I have lost. I can choose what is worth rebuilding and leave the rest behind. Armed with that clarity, I kicked aside broken bricks and shattered glass, one piece at a time. I sorted through the rubble, searching for anything salvageable (a few scraps to start with). There is no point in holding onto everything. Sometimes just a few small pieces in my pocket is enough. What matters is how I move forward from here.

Some might call this taking the reins of life or pushing toward our destinies. But come on, how much can we really control? That notion has always felt flawed to me. We can only manage so much while trying to keep afloat. The weight of responsibilities piles on your shoulders, yet you are supposed to grip an uncontrollable force. That feels like a false hope wrapped in a pretty lie.

That is when I understood the beauty of starting small, with those little scraps. The first piece I picked up was one of the most basic necessities of healthy living: a good night’s sleep. Do not get me wrong, starting anywhere is fine. Maybe you want to plan your schedule down to the minute or study four to six hours a day because your lecturers say it is mandatory, so knock yourself out. For me, though, healing came first. Prioritizing good sleep, that luxury I had craved for so long, became my first goal. It was a small but powerful beginning.

From then on, I noticed the effects of going to bed earlier. I did not just feel more rested; my nerves were calmer than they had ever been after any kind of relaxation technique. I was more focused and alert for longer stretches. That single change created ripples across other areas of my life. Sometimes, changing just one thing can change everything.

So now, I pass the quest on to you. What is one change you will decide to make right now? It does not have to be life-altering. Maybe it is something as basic as showering every morning. (Yeah, I am looking at you, the one who does not shower and stinks up the room. For the love of all that is good, please shower. And wear deodorant, you air polluting shnit.) It might not fix all your problems, but it is a start.

You are probably wondering how to get started. Well, for me, it definitely was not from Googling “top 10 ways to manage your time.” Those might work for some people, but they are so generalised that the self help world has become a recycling bin of the same repurposed ideas. Do not just take my word for it, try reading five articles with similar titles from five different sources. You will notice at least half of the content is identical, just rephrased with fancier words or different bullet points.

So, what now? I just said everything on the internet is a recycled lie. What should you do? As with any change, good or bad, it starts inside of you. What do you want to change? What step will nudge you just enough so that at the end of the day, you look back and think, “Today was a good day”?

The truth is, these epiphanies do not appear just because you sat down and decided to have them. It took me years to realise that something as simple as sleeping better could shift everything. And here I am, at 25, still figuring it out.

Ultimately, change does not come from following some formula, it comes from the heart. It is not about the method but the purpose behind it. No trick or tip can compete with genuine intention. Chasing mindless improvement or riding the high of a “quick fix” article means everything stays shallow. Trust me, I have been there. I am looking in the mirror right now, guilty as charged.

At the end of the day, it is all about you, the hand you have been dealt, and what you choose to do with it. Everyone is stuck in their own pile of dirt, trying to figure it out. Sure, maybe it stinks, but it is yours to deal with. The question is whether you decide it is worth your time to rise from it or let it pull you under.